You thought everything was going so swimmingly! This great guy and you really seemed to be hitting it off. There were amazing dates and romantic weekend getaways. Everything was just so perfect from your point of view. Then, suddenly, he’s too busy to see you, rarely calls you, and finally tells you that he feels things just aren’t working out. You never saw this coming! What HAPPENED? Have a look at the following easy ways to turn him off:
Me Me Me Me
Men can’t stand a woman who only talks and cares about herself. Good self esteem is a plus but a woman who could be talking to a mirror and having an equally if not better time is not a turn on. Men want to be appreciated and be a part, just as much as you, of the conversation. They want to vent, to explore and communicate with you and should not be used as your verbal punching bag. He is not your counselor, he is not your mother or your best friend you’ve known for 20 years, he is your boyfriend.
Don’t talk negatively about yourself
Just as much as men find women unattractive who only care and talk about themselves, men also don’t like women who have a bad self-image. Confidence can be the sexiest thing on anyone. How you carry yourself, the clothes you wear, the way you stand up for your beliefs are all huge turn-ons to a man who is attracted to you. If you are finding yourself not feeling attractive and putting yourself down you may need to put dating on hold and spend some time falling in love with yourself again.
Don’t be needy and desperate
Don’t get me wrong, Men love to provide and save the day (in any modern way) like the chivalrous knights that they are but chances are that the chivalry will come to a screeching halt if they feel that your want is much more of a need. Single, successful and attractive men have a bit of experience with women by the time you find them. They don’t want a woman that needs a man to complete her. They want someone that is her own woman and wants a man to SHARE his life, not BE her life.
Don’t try to change him
Many women think that the things they don’t like about their partner, they can change. Let me tell you first hand how completely 100% that is never going to happen. Whatever is wrong with him, even the shit you haven’t even unearthed yet, will never change. The things you don’t like will manifest itself in as many messed up ways as you can possibly imagine.
You will never change him, only rearrange him. Let me explain with an example. Let’s say he has always left his clothes in the middle of the floor. That will never change. He can try but you’ll end up driving yourself nuts by yelling at him all the time. Or you’ll become resentful because you’ll be constantly picking up after him. Instead you can rearrange the situation by hiring a maid to come once every two weeks. Or you can buy him a Wham-o-Hamper! Here is another example. Let’s say he always drives super aggressive. When you are in the car, it scares the holy crap out you. Don’t try to change him….just rearrange by never letting him drive when you are in the car.
You need to learn to accept his quirks and try to rearrange your attitude around them. If you can’t, then expect him to get annoyed and say adios. Honestly there have been men I have dated who’s quirks were much more of red flags. In that instance you have every right to Kick them to the Curb or secretly chase them away if that is your style.
Don’t depend on him to be everything for you
When we first meet these people who date, we have other people in our lives. We have parents, friends, roommates, counselors, neighbors, co-workers and maybe even ex’s. These people have an important place in your life and fulfill specific roles. I’ve never been a fan of alienating the people in our lives when we are in a relationship. I know that it can get hot and heavy and it may feel like you are the only two people in the world but it’s important not to neglect other friendships.
Sometimes when we miss our friends, they might not be there once we come down to earth and that can sometimes make us feel like putting the responsibilities of friendship onto our partners. A new relationship is fresh and there are conversations that your partner isn’t equipped to have with you that are much more suited for your best friend or even the cashier at the bodega at 3am. You need to know what makes you happy and how to fulfill your own life and having good friends around who’ve known you for awhile can help remind you of who you are without scaring away a promising new relationship.
Don’t be destroyed if your expectations aren’t met
The acronym of Fear is False Expectations Appearing Real. Sometimes it’s so hard to keep our excitement about a new relationship in check. I always try to tell myself that there are plenty of fish in the sea and that when one door closes another can open. Then I give every new budding relationship the right amount of sunlight, food, love and laughter it deserves and then I let it grow. Sometimes they sprout and bud and flower, and other times they wilt and die. Like plants, relationships need time and space to grow. Everything isn’t going to be perfect from the very beginning. It’s fine to have some expectations for the relationship that you want, but don’t put too much pressure on either of you. Take life slow and remember whatever will be, will be.
Let Mother Nature take her course. If you start forcing feelings and emotions on him too soon, he’s going to run the other way. Let everything grow and develop as it is meant to do.
Never assume that your intuition is foolproof. Just because your 6th sense is telling you something about your partner doesn’t always mean you’re right. So never assume that you know exactly what he wants and needs. That can cause you all sorts of problems.
Don’t come on too strong
If you start trying to push him headfirst into areas that he’s not ready for, expect to be single pretty quickly. This is definitely an easy way to turn guys off. Being honest is important but keep a little light hearted mystery. Men are natural aggressors so letting him take the lead is a good thing. Don’t emasculate him or put him down ever. Just like it’s not ok for him to be rude to you, treat him with the same respect.
Always be yourself
The web of lies can be so hard to untangle once you start. If you start off pretending to be someone you’re not, you’ll have to keep on being that person if you want to keep things going and when you get tired of the lies or you get caught, things will never be the same and that is not a good thing. Who you are attracted this person to you initially and you should never be ashamed of who you are. Most people will find someone that is honest much more appealing that someone who seems too good to be true. If you can’t be yourself, your not ready to date.