Does He Like You? To Make the Move or Not to Make the Move.

There are several ways to tell if a guy really likes you or not.  At times, and for some people, it can be harder to tell, as some guys seem to flirt with everyone, while others seem unimpressed at most.  However, if you pay close enough attention, odds are you will be able to tell.  
Here are some questions to ask yourself to help you figure out if he really likes you.  

Does he flirt with you?
A new study published in Communication Research suggests that people are surprisingly not good at telling whether a new someone is flirting with them or not and it turns out that compared to men, women are even worse at it.  Researchers at the University of Kansas did a study where they took 52 pairs of women and men and had each pair speak to each other for 10-12 minutes. Once the time was up, participants were separated to complete a post-interaction survey, which included questions about whether they were flirting and if they thought the person they were talking to was flirting with them. They found that 84% of men knew when a woman wasn’t flirting, compared to 83% of women.
How can you tell if he is flirting with you? If his body is facing you, his knees are turned towards you, if he leans into you, if he’s restless and nervous, he is totally flirting with you. If he compliments you and remembers little details about you, he is totally flirting.  

Does he ask a lot of questions?
Aside from being nervous, he might be asking a lot of questions because he genuinely wants to get to know you. Psychologist Barbara Greenberg, says that finding commonalities are imperative when it comes to flirting and what a better way to find commonalities than to ask questions.  

Does he behave differently around you compared to his behavior with others?  
Have you noticed that when he is around his friends he acts differently. Sure, men and women act different when they are among close friends but he might still be much more quiet or more talkative. He might be nervous or shy and so he will naturally act different in an attempt to impress you or overcome his fears. Sometimes it can be irritating when we feel men are not being honest but instead of getting annoyed look at it as an odd way of flirting with you. Of course, older, much more experienced and confident men don’t typically get as nervous, but in general, it’s normal “mating” behavior. Pay attention and observe him and you’ll figure him out. 

Does he seem to find ways to be around you ?  
Of course when a guy likes you he wants to be around but is he going out his way to run into you. A friend of mine, we’ll call her Jenny, was talking to a guy who she met at a friends birthday party. They had been on a few dates and had some late night phone conversations and their relationship was slowly progressing. He started to bring her lunch at her job and started to go to the coffee shop by her house, which was way out of his way and consequently she ran into him there a few times. She jokingly asked him if he was stalking her and he laughed and admitted that he really liked her and just wanted to be around her as much as possible.  When a guy likes you, he will want to know more about you and he’ll want to spend time with you. Of course, some guys can take it a little too far and if you are uncomfortable, being honest and telling them to back off is totally fine. Read (Link to Kicking em to the curb article) 

Does he look good when you see him, have cologne on and does he dress nice ?  
If he shows up smelling good, dressed well, facial hair trimmed, hair groomed, then he wants to look good for you. If he shows up looking like a hot mess, then he probably doesn’t like you or he has no self respect; you don’t want to be with him in either case. This is not middle school where less is more or where if he likes you he ignores you. As grownups, usually the opposite is true.

To make a move or to not make a move. That is the question.

Once you figure out whether your guy really likes you or not, it’s time to make a move or at least help him make one. If you are pretty sure he does like you, but he isn’t asking you out yet, stay calm. Believe it or not, some guys are more nervous about asking us out than we are asking them out. If this seems to be the case, try to make it easier for him. One way to do this is to show you are interested in him. Smile more, talk more, ask some questions, maybe even ask others about him. The only reasons for a man not to ask out a woman he likes is either he is already taken or he’s scared to death. This does occur, and often. Just try to make it as easy for him as you can, be approachable and always a pleasure to be around. By being honest and showing him you like him it will ease the pressure and intimidation that putting yourself out there can feel like at first.

If you really like someone and you feel they like you, but no matter what you do, they still are not making a move, it is ok to make that move yourself. In today’s world, some men just don’t ask women out, ever. The world is different now and it’s perfectly acceptable to ask a guy out. In fact, some guys really like this and will like you that much more for having the confidence to do it. Now, of course, there are some instances where it’s not a good idea to ask a guy out. If the guy is in a relationship already, don’t just assume they are not serious and that he is free just because he has no ring on. If you’re not sure whether he is in a relationship, ask. The most important thing is to be honest and straightforward. It’s better to ask than to make a move on a guy and get totally shut down because he is already in a committed relationship. 
You definitely don’t want to put the make on a guy at work. It’s not a good idea to date people you work with as a general rule even though sometimes the heart wants what it wants. Your work place should maintain a professional atmosphere and the worst thing that can happen when you date a colleague is that if the relationship doesn’t work out, the interaction may be uncomfortable enough that one of you decides to quit or resign.
The most important thing is that dating and getting to know someone is supposed to be fun. It’s natural to feel excited and a little nervous at first but sometimes we just have to put our big-girl pants on and come out and ask for what we want. Like my dad always said, “You don’t ask, you don’t get!”



Comments

  1. In the modern world, I think society is more open that the girl actually does make the move as well — it’s just really the conservative portion of society that thinks it’s just the guy who should make the move. People are always free to make their own choices. Like you pointed out, it’s supposed to be fun! Be happy and be you.

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