Are you "burned out" by love?
Love exhaustion or being “burned out” by love is a real thing and unfortunately it happens. Whether you’ve encountered failed relationship after failed relationship, been on too many bad dates or just became totally suffocated and disappointed by your last relationship you may be burned out.
If one or some of these apply, you are “burned out”.
- You are not interested in meeting anyone new because you know you will be disappointed.
- You are snarky, sarcastic or even defensive in an effort to cover up your true feelings.
- You have totally lost motivation to go through another relationship.
- You cringe, become nauseated or get angry when you see a happy couple.
- You would rather stay at home alone than go out with friends.
- You have begun to self medicate because your love life is so depressing.
- You don’t think there is anyone out there for you.
It doesn’t feel good to be totally fed up and life is all about feeling good so it’s in your best interest to take some time and gain a new perspective so you can put your best foot forward. I know it can be terrifying to even think about going for another round but there is a way to fall in love again, even if you think you’re emotionally broken.
Get back out there and go on some dates.
Part of picking up the pieces is to put yourself out there. Let go of all the tendencies to be sarcastic or snarky and let yourself just BE.
This person hasn’t hurt you and shouldn’t be held responsible for your past relationships. This person wants to genuinely get to know you and deserves a chance.
Lower your expectations of the future and just be in the moment getting to know someone. Even if things don’t work out it’s important for you to practice and have a good time.
Give them a chance.
Genuinely try to get to know the person you are on a date with and try to find something you like about that person. By allowing ourselves to appreciate other people and be kind we start to exude happiness and can elevate our mental state to appreciate others even if we are feeling burned out. By seeing the good in people it begins to reaffirm our faith in humanity and love.
Stop trying to be perfect.
Understand that you are just as much responsible for getting in and/or staying in failed relationships. We all have things we struggle with and that doesn’t detract from you being strong or successful. Faking perfection is the opposite of strength. Whether you are nervous or tired of going on bad dates you can communicate that with your date and they will appreciate your honesty. Men don’t find imperfect women unattractive, they find unhappy women unattractive.
Take it as quickly or as slowly as it works for you.
I recommend going with a pace that works for you. I don’t think that jumping into bed right away because it was a good date is a good idea and following the four date rule is always a good methodology but do what feels right for you. If kissing your date feels right, kiss away. If seeing each other again the next day feels right, have a great time.
Dating is supposed to be fun and it’s about getting to know yourself and someone else. If it isn’t fun then you will be right back at square one, burned out and closed off from love. Don’t be afraid to take it slow, don’t let your expectations get in your way and most importantly just be yourself. Happy Dating!